Even if you desire a successful intimacy, you may find yourself without one. Have you ever considered what the reasons could be? Have you ever considered the idea that you are unaware of what causes you to fail? And that once you gain Self-Awareness, you will finally understand how you unintentionally hindered your efforts, and you will be able to make a change that will put you on the correct route to creating and maintaining a successful intimacy?
Robert’s tale demonstrates the importance of Self-Awareness in learning how to quit harming your relationships.
Robert’s father “demanded” that he act like a man. This drove Robert to become violent with his parents – thinking that “that’s the way a guy should behave”. As a result, none of his relationships lasted long, with continual quarrels, disagreements, and arguments.
Unfortunately for Robert, he didn’t understand why he was constantly failing in his relationships. He had no idea that his violent behavior was the reason all of his relationships had ended. He didn’t realize that the message he internalized from his father to “behave like a man” had harmed him in all of his endeavors to find love and a good spouse. As a result, it never occurred to him that he would need to adjust his attitudes and behavior.
One weekend, while going to the cinema to see a comedy, something on the screen awakens Robert: the film depicts a CEO of a high-tech business who falls in love with the company’s attorney. To his surprise, the attorney rejects him, claiming that he is cold and impersonal. The CEO then attempts to understand what motivates him to be “emotionless” in order to improve his reactions and behaviors so that the attorney will, after all, accept to go out with him.
Robert learns that the comedy reflects back to him the reality of his own existence. It dawns on him that, for the first time, he understands why he repeatedly fails in his relationships. It’s a shame that his aggressive behavior sabotages his dating attempts. Robert is motivated to modify his views, reactions, and behaviors as a result of the move and the insights he gets.
If you, like Robert, find yourself repeatedly failing in your relationships, there is no necessity to wait for “something” to push you to become aware of how and why you sabotage your efforts. The sooner you gain Self-Awareness and discover how you harm yourself and your efforts, the sooner you will be able to make the necessary changes that will allow you to eventually build and keep the connection you desire.
Increasing your self-awareness will allow you to:
1. Become inspired to create a positive change in yourself and your relationship.
Robert recognizes how he has denied and suppressed his vulnerability and sensitivity, and how the macho mask is causing problems in his relationships. He is now driven to improve his conduct.
It may take some time for you to realize that you have acted in ways that have harmed you in your relationships. However, once you’ve had that understanding, acknowledged and accepted it, you’re motivated to make a difference.
2. Accept responsibility for your role in your relationships’ collapse.
Robert is now ready to accept responsibility for his failed relationships. He recognizes that the mask of masculinity he wore, as well as his inability to express feelings, contributed to the disagreements and arguments that isolated him from his relationships.
Knowing yourself allows you to understand your role in the difficulties, challenges, and arguments you have with your partner (s). Indeed, you may be aware that every disagreement requires two parties, and that your partners, like you, bring their own reactions and habits to the relationship. Nonetheless, instead of blaming your partner entirely, you can now accept responsibility for your share in the failure (s).
3. Avoid transferring onto your partner characteristics that you yourself reject.
Robert has become conscious of the macho mask he has been wearing. He discovers the softness and sensitivity he’s been keeping from himself and his lovers. He may now pause before accusing Pam, his current partner, of being emotional. He can ask himself if the allegations he used to level at her are still true or if they are the result of his habitual reflexes and behaviors.
When you become conscious of your characteristics, admit and accept them as part of “who you are,” you are less likely to project them onto your relationships.
4. Gather the guts to take off your masks and be yourself in a relationship.
Robert realizes he has been wearing a masculine mask. He thinks back on his previous relationships and understands that women may have enjoyed the inner strength he exuded at first. However, as his relationships progressed and he refused to demonstrate any tenderness, sensitivity, or openness, his lovers became frustrated. They’d end up in a state of mutual recrimination and alienation, followed by separation. This realization motivates him to muster the guts to practice expressing his emotions and alter his conduct with Pam.
Self-awareness allows you to recognize whatever masks you have worn up to this point and comprehend how they have “protected” you (making you believe that you are such and such, helping you deny those parts in yourself that you prefer not to have). As you grow Self-Awareness and recognize the harm they cause in your relationships, you will be inspired to remove the masks, accept yourself as you are, and express your true self in the connection.
5. Self-awareness allows you to communicate more effectively with your partner.
Being “who you really are” allows you to express yourself freely and communicate with your spouse in an open and honest manner.
Robert is interacting openly and authentically with Pam. He no longer feels the need to conceal his true identity from himself or from her.
Gaining self-awareness allows Robert to see and comprehend aspects of himself that he previously did not want to recognize or accept. He may now build a genuine and close relationship.
As the story of Robert demonstrates, when you are driven to learn more about yourself, you should start on the Journey to Self-Awareness. You will then be able to make substantial shifts in your views, reactions, and behaviors, as well as build and sustain a successful closeness.
The exercises below will assist you in developing Self-Awareness and cultivating a successful intimate connection.
The easy exercises that follow will allow you to start increasing your Self-Awareness. Doing these activities will allow you to think about and reflect on some of the variables that may hinder your relationship attempts. You’ll then be able to make the necessary alterations for a fulfilling intimacy:
1. What aspects of your relationship would you like to improve?
2. How do you anticipate this shift affecting your relationship?
3. How would you change if you had the courage?
4. What prevents you from changing if you lack the confidence to do so?
5. How do you believe the adjustment you want to make will impact your relationship?