Relationships: How to Balance the Male and Female Within Us

Who among us hasn’t fantasized about ultimately finding and sustaining our ideal relationship? What if we are in a partnership that is perplexing and always changing? How do we deal with the loss and heartbreak that partnerships can bring? What if we don’t appear to draw any form of intimate interactions?

For many of us, the working dynamics of excellent relationships are one of life’s greatest mysteries. It’s a mystery that each of us has been trying to solve since the day we realized there were more than one of us. Why do interpersonal relationships, which we all partake in every day, minute, and second of our lives, seem so difficult, convoluted, confused, difficult, and enigmatic at times?

The quality of our connections with others mirrors the quality of our relationships with ourselves. Do we know who we are and enjoy who we are? Do we believe we are deserving of unconditional love? While we may know how we want others to love us, do we love ourselves in the same way? Do we trust and accept every aspect of ourselves? The bottom truth is that most of us simply want to be loved and accepted for who we are, our true selves.


We can attract someone who is more reflective of our actual counterpart if we modify our inner definition or template of our masculine and female identities to a place of balance and self-acceptance. Even if we are balanced with our inner masculine reflection, we will be unable to develop a truly balanced relationship for ourselves if we do not like our own femininity.

One component that many people overlook is that we look to our relationships to reflect characteristics of ourselves back to us. For example, if we are a woman, our partner is holding a space for us to better understand our feminine side. If we are male, our spouse is holding a space for us to understand our manly side. Although this is the opposite way most people view their relationships, how would we as women know what type of woman we were without someone could mirror it back to us as we interacted with them?


Any relationship’s mission is always to find ourselves, to understand ourselves, to be the entire and natural beings we already are. The only true relationship we can ever truly have is with ourselves. Everything else, every other encounter, is simply a reflection, whether we realize it or not. We will constantly attract relationships that remind us of what and who we are not as long as we reject being our natural, balanced selves, the true us. Resisting who we are frequently draws unfulfilling relationships or ones in which we have to work very hard. By being entirely and completely ourselves, we attract partnerships that mirror the depth of our creative being back to us. What we put out is what we receive back, as the old adage goes.